"What you gonna do now JohnnyRob? Lila is sure gonna be mad."

John Robert Newton just stared at the steam coming from the busted radiator of his pickup and shook his head. "BJ, I don’t know. You got any money?"

"Shoot JohnnyRob you know I ain’t got no money. Welfare checks don’t come till next week." Bobbie Joe looked at the two dusty unused pool tables. "Ain’t had no paying customers in here for days. Can you get some money from your old man?"

"BJ you know old Simple Simon ain’t going to give me any money. I already owe him three hundred dollars." Simon Newton, John Robert’s father, was the local pig farmer. The little town of Hazel Arkansas didn’t have too many businesses and Newton’s Pig Ranch was one of the major ones. "All I know is I have to get this truck ready by tomorrow afternoon or Lila is going to give it to me real good. She’s been waiting for almost 6 months for them World Wide Wrestling guys to come back to Memphis. She’s saved for a long time to get money for them tickets. She absolutely loves that "Stone Face" fellow and can’t wait to see him take on that "Big Green Machine" guy. Personally, I can’t see why, but you know Lila. Around here what Lila wants, Lila gets.

"But what’s gonna happen if you can’t get the truck fixed?"

"I guess she will probably get Josh Collins to take her. Man, I can’t have that. I just gotta get me some money." JohnnyRob glanced across the street and railroad tracks to the old train deport situated diagonally from Bobbie Joe’s run down two-table pool hall. "Hey BJ, what’s going on over at the depot?"

"Well, you know that insurance guy John Rickson’s daughter Suzie is getting married tomorrow. I believe they’re having the wedding rehearsal dinner over there tonight. I been seeing folks carrying in presents and stuff all day."

The old Hazel Train Depot was under consideration to become a state historic landmark but in the mean time had been converted into a community building. Birthday parties, wedding receptions and all types of meetings were now being conducted there. It was the most popular spot in the town.

John Robert looked thoughtful for a minute. "You say a lot of presents and stuff have been delivered?"

"Yeah, presents, food, and a great big cake all went in there today. My Ma says that the wedding is Saturday morning, tomorrow, at 10:00 AM then the reception is right after. She says Suzie and her new husband are heading out in the afternoon to catch a honeymoon cruise. Must be nice?"

A small smile crossed John Roberts’ face. "So, you think they’re gonna leave all that stuff in there tonight?

Bobbie Joe could never have been confused for the sharpest knife in the drawer but even his dimwitted brain understood John Robert’s meaning. A slight smile crossed his chubby face.

"Yeah, I believe they are. It sure would be a shame if something happened to some of it now wouldn’t it?"

John Robert was silent for a moment remembering what had happened the day he had asked Suzie Rickson for a date. Her mocking words, "Not a chance Pig Boy" still turned his blood to ice. Now the opportunity fairy was looking down on him. He could get the money to get his truck fixed and get back at Miss Suzie Cheerleader at the same time. Maybe fate had brought him here today.

"I’ll meet you here at midnight and we’ll have us a little look see. You game?"

"Sure JohnnyRob, I’ll be here. You can bet on that"

***

At 12:35 AM on Jun 6, 2002 John Robert and Bobbie Joe made their way across the deserted street and long unused railroad bed to the darkest corner of the depot. Hazel hadn’t seen a train in over 20 years, since the railroad along with the new interstate highway bypassed the town. John Robert eased around the corner and shined his flashlight into the building. Suddenly his breath caught in his throat and he quickly moved back around the corner.

Bobbie Joe looked alarmed. "What’s the matter JohnnyRob, what did you see?

"The promised land, BJ, the promised land."

"A lot of presents, right?"

"Forget the presents, I saw something much better."

Bobbie Joe stood slack jawed for a few seconds trying to understand John Robert’s meaning. "Better? What could be better than a lot of presents?"

"What is better than presents, why MONEY, that’s what." Noticing the lack of understanding on Bobbie Joe’s face, he continued. "Right on the big table sitting next to the cake is a large money tree."

"What’s a money tree?"

"Look dummy, a money tree is a fake leafless tree set up for friends and guests to pin money too as an additional gift to the couple. Man, I saw tens, twenties, a few fifties and I believe even a few hundred dollar bills tacked up there. I bet there is several hundred dollars just asking to be taken. Now we don’t have to worry about lugging heavy hard to get rid of presents around. We’ll just grab the tree and split."

"Sounds great JohnnyRob but how’re we gonna do it?"

"Its simple, we’ll climb the drainpipe to the roof just like we did as kids. We can then pop the skylight open and you can lower me down. I’ll grab the tree and you can haul me up. We’ll climb down and head back to your place. Couldn’t be simpler than that."

Bobbie Joe looked down at his rotund 280-pound frame. "I’m sorry JohnnyRob, ain’t no way I can get up that pipe."

John Robert looked around then spotted the iron railing along the concrete walkway. "Okay BJ, you can stay down here and hook the rope over the railing. That way you can watch through the window as you ease me down then use the rope around the railing again to bring me up. Whole thing shouldn’t take over 15 minutes."

"Yeah, I can do that alright."

Okay, go back to your place and get that long rope and the work gloves out of the back of my truck. I’ll climb the pipe and wait for you."

***

As Bobbie Joe walked back along the dark side of the depot with the rope and gloves he didn’t see the old garden rake left leaning against the side of the building. As he turned for a backward glance a size 16 shoe caught the edge of the upturned prongs. Swoosh, whack. The rake smacked him right across the right eye. Rope, gloves, and rake all flew in different directions as Bobbie Joe feel to his knees.

"Ohhhhh, crap." he screamed as he grabbed his head, "That thing almost put my eye out."

"Hey fool, shut up down there" came a harsh whisper from the depot roof. "You trying to wake up the whole neighborhood? You know that town cop lives only two blocks over."

"Sorry JohnnyRob. Not only did that thing smack me, it scared the devil out of me too. Here, I’ll toss the rope up to you and we’ll get this done."

Ten minutes later Bobbie Joe was squatting down below the railing with one hand covering his rapidly swelling right eye and the other holding the rope he was using to lower John Robert toward the center of the room and the big table holding the cake and money tree. John Robert weighed about 150 pounds soaking wet and was no trouble for Bobbie Joe to handle. After all, he had been an all-state lineman bench-pressing over 400 pounds before flunking out of University of South Central Arkansas in his freshman year. Much of his muscle had turned to fat but he was still a formidable specimen.

Bobbie Joe smiled as John Robert grabbed the money tree and gave him the thumbs up. Taking a firmer hold on the rope, he started lifting his partner in crime. With full concentration on the task at hand and squinting through his one good eye he didn’t see a quiet form slowing padding toward him.

***

Old Miss Hicks lived right next to the depot. Nobody knew how old she was but she and her prizewinning coon dogs had been a fixture in town for as long as anyone could remember. She wasn’t very active anymore and had only a couple of dogs left. Bartholomew had been state champion five years running but that was several years ago. It was said that once he treed a coon or possum his howl could be heard all over the county. He was now almost 16 years old, mostly blind with only a couple of teeth left. He spent his time sleeping or roaming the old neighborhood. Miss Hicks had thought of putting him down for the last couple of years but just couldn’t stand to part with him. Anyway, that’s how Bartholomew happened to be out on the night of the big caper. Subsequently, he was to become the hero of Hazel.

Bartholomew had been napping out next to the back fence when he heard some commotion. As curious as ever he slowly got to his feet and wandered toward the depot. He couldn’t see very well but could see a rather large blob squatting right beside the walkway. He didn’t know what it was but figured he would check it out. He was two feet away when he saw the blob move. It wasn’t a blob after all; it was a human. In an instant he opened his mouth and let loose one of his famous howls. It came out in a long drawn out Ohoooooooooo, Ohoooooooooo.

With a jerk the human jumped into the air. He didn’t get very far for as he stood the back of his head struck round metal railing with a loud boing. In a flash the human was down on the ground, out cold. Whatever he had been holding had flown through the air to the top of the old building. Bartholomew took another deep breath and let loose again with a triumphant Ohooooooooo, Ohoooooooooo. Once more the animal kingdom reigned supreme.

In the distance blue lights flashed as a police car turned in his direction. Around the neighborhood window lights blazed filling the evening with spots of brightness. Bartholomew looked toward the lights then back to the inert human. With a grunt he turned and ambled back to his own now brightly lit back yard. His work here was done.

***

John Robert had just reached the edge of the skylight when he heard an awful earsplitting howl. In less than an instant it was over as all the tension was gone from the rope. He grabbed onto the windowsill with one hand but knew he couldn’t hold on. His only choice, drop the money tree and reach with both hands to pull him self up. He didn’t make it. Before he could drop the tree his fingers lost their hold on the sill. Arms flailing, he fell backward right on top of the table and right in the center of the wedding cake.

With a mighty crash the table collapsed as cake, John Robert and money tree all hit the floor. Stunned, it took a few minutes for him to recover enough to sit up covered from head to toe with pieces of table, money and mashed up wedding cake. A powerful flashlight beam suddenly blinded him. Unfortunately for him the local police had arrived. He was now in some deep, deep trouble.

***

John Robert and Bobbie Joe spent Saturday and Sunday in the county jail before being released on they’re on recognizance on Monday. While inside the big house they had one visitor, J. Winston Hollman, Attorney at Law. J. Winston was a well-known ambulance chaser from the next county and was widely known for filing frivolous lawsuits.

There was a lot of speculation about the visit since everyone knew that J. Winston didn’t do criminal cases. There was plenty of talk down at the Leo’s barbershop and Irma Jeans’s beauty emporium about the possible situations. Over the next few months, the headlines of the weekly Hazel Gazette newspaper told the story.

Jun 10, 2002 Local Boys Nabbed in Depot Heist: On Saturday night, Jun 6^th two local boys, John Robert Newton and Bobbie Joe Smith were arrested for allegedly breaking and entering the Train Depot. Newton is the son of prominent Hazel businessman farmer Simon Newton, owner and manager of Newton’s Pig Ranch. It is rumored that the young men were attempting to steal the wedding gifts from the wedding of Suzie Rickson and . . .

Sep 21, 2002 Not Guilty Plea Entered in Depot Heist: A not guilty plea was entered today on behalf of the two local boys charged with the Jun 6, 2002 break in at the Train Depot. Local attorney J. Winston Hollman in what is considered to be his first criminal case stated that in was all a simple misunderstanding. His defense will be . . .

Jan 3, 2003 Judge Grants Dismissal in Depot Heist Case: On Jan 2, 2001 Judge Roy Beanbaum dismissed all charges against the two local boys charged in the Jun 6, 2002 alleged break in of the Train Depot. Since neither defendant had any criminal history, Judge Beanbaum agreed with the defenses contention that the alleged break in had actually been a silly wedding prank being played on an old classmate. Both boys had been slightly injured during the prank. . .

Jan 5, 2003 Hazel Town Council Hit With Lawsuit: Earlier today, newly elected Mayor John Rickson and the Town Council were served with notification of a One Million Dollar lawsuit brought on the behalf of the two local boys injured in the Jun 6, 2002 Train Depot prank. Attorney J. Winston Hollman speaking for the locals says they are asking for two hundred thousand dollars for pain and suffering and another eight hundred thousand for neglect for the lack of security at the Depot that led to his clients arrest and incarceration. Mister Hollman is quoted as saying, "A million dollars is a small price to pay for what these innocent boys have had to suffer"

Sep 2, 2003 Settlement in Big Lawsuit: It has been reported that the Hazel town council has agreed to a settlement in the Jun 6, 2002 Train Depot prank suit. Exact details are not yet known but it is speculated that the settlement will be in the area of one hundred thousand dollars . . .

***

John Robert Newton drove his new F150 SuperCrew pickup down to Bobbie Joe’s recently renovated pool hall and package beverage store. He figured to have a beer then grab a six-pack and some snacks before heading out to pick up Lila. It was only 2:00 P.M. They had plenty of time to make it to Memphis before the opening bell of the big wrestling match. As he pulled up into the driveway he glanced at the boarded up Train Depot. It had been closed up now for over a year. The town couldn’t afford the insurance to keep it open.

He sat there for a few minutes thinking about how things could sometimes turn out different than you would ever imagine. His thoughts drifted back to that night a little over 2½ years ago. Suddenly he laughed out loud. Could things have turned out any better? No. He had gotten his revenge on that snotty Suzie Rickson and made a little money too. As he turned to enter the pool hall for his cold one he gave the old depot building a half wave and a smile. In a quiet voice he murmured, "Who says crime doesn’t pay?"

Just about a block down the street, nearly 18-year-old Bartholomew the hound slept in the warm afternoon sun. His solid gray muzzle trembled and he quivered a little with each soft whiny snore as he dreamed peaceful happy dreams of good times, green fields, and days long past. Ah, life’s simple pleasures. What could be more fitting for the famous hero of Hazel.